Ok, now before you hippie mamas freak out, read on.
About three months ago, I birthed a beautiful baby boy with no induction, no pain meds, and no epidural. On many levels, I chose this route for the health of my son. I wanted him to come into this world with as little medicinal intervention as possible. However, I also made this decision selfishly. Let me explain.
I have been an achiever my entire life . I loved school, LOVED school! I made straight A's, graduated high school valedictorian, and continued that trend of excellence in college. After graduating summa cum laude, I married an awesome, godly man...
And I sucked at keeping a job, loving my husband, and just adult-ing in general. No matter what I tried, I felt like I was failing. I couldn't even eek out a B- in life. I was getting straight F's. Eventually, my husband let me quit working to be a housewife because my anxiety levels were through the roof. And I loved it!... but I felt like a big fat failure.
Soon after, God blessed us with our first pregnancy, and some friends shared with me about natural birth. The more I read and learned, the more I loved the concepts behind birthing naturally. But I thought I could never do it. There was no way I could handle the pain; I'm such a wimp.
But then I considered the fact that if I went through with this natural birth, I would feel like She-Woman! If I could push a human out of my body, and feel every bit of it, I could accomplish anything! Oh, there were nay-sayers aplenty. "Just wait until you feel those contractions. You'll cave!" A nurse even laughed in my face when I told her I was not planning on getting an epidural. I couldn't wait to prove them all wrong.
So I did. Through much screaming, but I did it. Twelve long hours of painful labor, and out he came.
And boy was I glad for it to be over. That feeling of accomplishment? Oh yeah, it was there. ;)
Then I went home. I remember crying in the night, rocking a screaming baby, and blubbering out, "Any wimp can have natural birth. Caring for a newborn is the hardest thing in the world!" I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Over the next several weeks, I learned a very important lesson.
For me, pregnancy and birth were concepts to be mastered, achievements to be won. Motherhood, however, does not play out that way. I thought I could conquer the world if I could only succeed at this one major task of natural birth. But I've realized that parenting consists of daily battles that both hurt and bless, like birth. And it's in those daily battles that I must learn to relinquish control and let God accomplish goodness through me.
So do I think my natural birth was wasted? Absolutely not! It was one of the most incredible and terrifying experiences of my life, and I will totally do it again. Do I feel like she-woman? Sometimes. :) But mostly I'm daily reminded that I can do nothing without Christ. When I seek out achievements to lift myself up, I'm left feeling empty and defeated. But with Him, I am more than a conqueror.
